Why Complain??

Alan Weiss, PhD

Complaining about something that can’t be fixed doesn’t work nearly as well as coming up with an acceptable alternative. If the restaurant doesn’t have your reservation, and they’re full, you can’t ask that someone be thrown out. You can suggest that a free drink would put you in a good mood at the bar until they can accommodate you, or that they call a nearby restaurant and get you in there as a courtesy.

My otherwise completely reliable limo service failed to notify a driver to pick me up, so I asked my house sitter to drive me to the train station. If she weren’t available, I would have taken our truck and left it in a lot.

These days, it’s easy to bring an iPad with you in case the wait in the doctor’s office, or for the plane departure, or the business appointment is delayed. Doctors don’t hurry patients for other patients, the airlines are their own private bureaucracy, and people are often legitimately off schedule. Sit down and read, or play Angry Birds, or write something.

If the Wall Street Journal doesn’t arrive at my door, I don’t get on the phone and call customer service, I drive down to the pharmacy and pick one up there. I have both satellite and cable TV in my home, each will often go down for a different reason, at least one though will remain fully functional. I don’t like to miss what I planned to see, and I’m not wasting my time dealing with the cable companies.

We’ve become excellent complainers, but not nearly as effective problem solvers. To me, it’s about retaining control and not arguing with some uncaring “customer service” person who may well be in another country dealing with a hundred angry people a day and not caring much about any of them. It’s about retaining as much control as I can over my life and well-being.

I’ve often sought out second opinions, because I found the first opinion unpleasant or suspect, and I didn’t want to leap into precipitous action. Having done this on one occasion for a medical issue, I wound up firing my doctor who apparently had missed a few days of medical school.

I understand that it feels good to complain. But when you fix things yourself, find alternative ways, and take control of your life, it does good.

Alan is an international business consultant, prolific writer, colleague and friend. ■