Regina's Reflections

When all else fails, try
CHATTING WITH A STRANGER

We now mark the first anniversary of the Covid Pandemic. Many “experts” predicted 500,000 deaths. And that is exactly where we now find ourselves. Yet there is increasing skepticism about the number of deaths, all of which will be debated for some time. But one example deserves consideration. Flu deaths, especially in the elderly group are a scourge of winter. Last flu season in CT produced 109 deaths among those over 65. This year? Exactly 1 death. A healthy distrust of all statistics is indispensable.

Is there an upside to the pandemic? Any valuable/ useful lessons learned? Any reason for optimism going forward? In a word…… NO. Sadly, everything that I, and many people far more knowledgeable and revered than I, predicted a year ago came to pass:

More depression, loneliness despair, more suicides, more domestic abuse, more divorces (primarily occurring among the millennial group). Massive number of businesses lost, many permanently. High unemployment, little learning occurring for school age children, years lost that will never be recovered. There is vaccine hope among many but not all. Perhaps herd immunity. Or not.

In the midst of this sad state, while navigating in slow traffic one day, I spotted a new billboard. It featured a large dog and a smiling person hugging. The tag line? “Dogs don’t spread Covid. They only spread LOVE”. All dog owners of course know this well. Yet dogs are excluded from visiting the places where they were most apt to “spread love” Senior facilities. Nursing homes, assisted living facilities, senior housing buildings. Darcey, a trained therapy dog has not seen her clients since February 2020. And she misses them terribly. And they, her. We now head to paved trails, suburban neighborhoods, parks, anywhere dogs are welcome, searching for seniors in need of canine hugs. Masks in place, they sit and enjoy Darcey’s company, talked and hugged, other humans 6 feet away. And the dog owners chatted… About weather, dog food and toys, spring. Suddenly, strangers no more.

Although it may be somewhat superficial, strangers can quickly find themselves on the same page. This is particularly true if the two people chatting find common ground — including similar anecdotes or experiences. Building rapport with strangers can leave people feeling heard, respected, and emotionally validated. These random opportunities to engage in small talk can help boost moods and erode loneliness. Researchers who study relationships sometimes define loneliness as feeling as though the quantity and quality of social interactions in which you participate don’t live up to what you’d like them to be. If a person was looking forward to a heart to heart chat with a friend and it remained superficial, she may walk away disappointed. But the inverse is also true. “If you have an unexpectedly fruitful conversation with a mailman, that could improve loneliness,” according to Timon Elmer, a psychologist at the University of Groningen in the Netherlands.

So, one small step towards normalcy is to resurrect the art of small talk with strangers…Grocery workers, delivery people, dog park people, your fellow shoppers, several feet away. Smiles can be seen behind masks. People appreciate these small, kind gestures. It reminds us of our humanity. And helps us look forward to better, friendlier days.

Excerpts from https://www.discovermagazine.com/mind/why-small-talk-is-good-for-you ■